looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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