Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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