It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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