I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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