We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
