you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
