Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize