I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dick very happy bro
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
