Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
