I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize
