So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
