she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My pussy is not your playground.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize