ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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