I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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