do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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