I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We have started to decorate penises.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
