Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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