Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
