my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
