I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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