ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
