I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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