Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
