Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
