I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
