My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
