I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
