It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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