and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
