So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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