i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize