his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
