Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
