He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
