so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Two words: nipple clamps
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