It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
