i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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