hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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