There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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