before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
