it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
