9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
