i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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