Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Is Oprah even human
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
