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• (845): View more from New York

  So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.

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• (707): View more from California

  she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute

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• (518): View more from New York

  I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.

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• (914): View more from New York

  All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom

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• (469): View more from Texas

  I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen

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• (315): View more from New York

  Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.

  (1-315): View more from New York

  That would explain the cannon.

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• (585): View more from New York

  Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future

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