Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
