after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
