I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
