if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
