Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Boobs speak an international language.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
