I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
