Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
