I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
