I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
