Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
