His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
