what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
