my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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