if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
