By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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