i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize