i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
