I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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